BEST FACEBOOK STATUS: September 2012

Cern...

found one of those God Particles in a box of cereal last year. Man, I wish I kept it!
is glad mankind has found the God Particle, so we can continue our epic search for Waldo!
"Are You There God Particle? It's Me, Joe Average That Doesn't Understand You!"
CNN "That's all the time we have for the God Particle, right now let's meet your new hot dog eating champion!"
predicts that at the end of the God Particle announcement, one of the CERN researchers will pause nonchalantly, and say... "oh, one more thing...", then calmly teleport away...
Physicists at CERN announced they found the Higgs Boson “God particle,” but are bringing in Tebow for some tests.
10 minutes after discovery of God Particle, Chinese knock-off found for $5
Gee Great. How long before IKEA comes up with new furniture made with real God Particle Board.
says that yo mama's so fat that SHE gives the God Particle mass! (Assuming validity of the Standard Model and Gauge Theory of course)
Higgs Boson discovered... Katy Perry's 3D movie opens... Coincidence?

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Jennifer...

is going to buy a parrot and then teach it to say, "Help! I've been turned into a parrot!"
is going to change his name to Simon and then go around speaking in third person.
is driving around town, following runners, and blasting "Eye Of The Tiger" for encouragement!
put some vanilla pudding in to a mayonnaise jar and is eating it in public
is handing out lemons to people on a street corner and wearing a shirt that says "Life"
is going to major in philosophy and then go around and ask "WHY do you want fries with that?"
just ran into a store screaming "What year is this?" and when the cashier replied with the year, I ran out screaming, "It Worked! It Worked!!!"
is changing my last name to Acula, and going to become a doctor...
just hired two private investigators to follow each other
is standing in a crowded elevator saying, "I guess you are probably wondering why I've gathered you all here today..."